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What I Want to Tell Teens Contemplating Adoption

Being pregnant as a teen is scary and hard. It forces you to grow up too fast, to make decisions no kid should have to make. I know, because I’ve been there. I placed a little girl for adoption in my late teens, and it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Here are some things I want to tell every teen considering adoption.

Your pregnancy is not shameful.

People will act like your pregnancy should be a secret. They will shame you, talk badly behind your back, and to your face. Sure, maybe you didn’t make the most responsible choices leading up to your pregnancy. But the baby, in and of themselves, is nothing to be ashamed of. Children are something to be celebrated, and anyone who thinks otherwise isn’t a true friend.

Placing will not make you a bad mom.

When I first became pregnant, I was dead set on parenting. I didn’t want anyone to tell me I couldn’t do it. I was going to be the best mom ever, I didn’t care how young I was. Eventually, I had to consider my circumstances. I didn’t have an education or a steady income, I didn’t have a stable relationship with the birth father, and I hadn’t finished growing up. Those things did NOT make me a bad mom. In my situation, being a good mom meant finding her someone who could give her all the things I couldn’t. It was my circumstances, not who I was as a person, that made placing the right choice for me.

This is YOUR choice.

The decision to place or parent your child is yours alone. Not your parents, not your friends, not any potential adoptive parents. You are the only one who can truly know what is best for you and your baby. If you place (or parent) just because you feel pressured, you will regret it. Do what you feel good about, regardless of what anyone else says.

It won’t be easy.

Placing my baby for adoption was the hardest thing I have ever done. I love her with all my heart, and I miss her every day. I couldn’t just place her and forget about her. I struggled with grief for a very long time, and I think I always will to some extent. With unplanned pregnancy, any choice you make will be hard. There’s no easy way out of this one.

It will be okay.

Did placing hurt? Yes. But did it break me? No. Placing my baby for adoption made me strong. I am blessed to have lots of contact with her and her family, and that makes me happy. I am now in my third year of college, and I’m doing well. I’m healthy, I’m happy, and I’m successful. It turned out okay for me, and it will for you too.

If you think adoption might be the best thing for your baby, do it. You are a good parent for doing what you believe to be right for your child, no matter what anyone else says. It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it. Trust me, because I did it–and you can too.