Four years ago I was, for lack of a better term, a hot mess. I was more than just your average, angsty teenager. I had been through a lot in my short life, and I wasn’t handling it well. I was angry, and I did everything I could to show it. I snuck around, I partied, anything I could do to numb the pain of what I was going through. I was barely passing my classes, choosing to focus on the toxic relationships I had invited into my life. I pushed away anyone who tried to help. I picked a fight with my parents any chance I could, and lied through my teeth to every therapist they sent me to. I didn’t need their help, it was too late for that. I was too messed up of a person.
Fast forward to today. My mom called this morning, just to say hi. I’m about to enter my senior year of college. I’m studying psychology, so that I can become a therapist. I am whole, I am successful, I am happy. My life is only just beginning, I have so much to look forward to.
My life is the polar opposite of what it once was. What brought this change about? How did I go from pushing away my mother to her being my best friend? From hating therapy to becoming qualified to give it? Well, the best thing that ever happened to me was becoming a birth mother.
Now don’t get me wrong, my adoption journey has been hard. But every tear I have shed has been worth it. Now, I am birth mom strong. Facing an unplanned pregnancy meant it was not about me anymore. I had to make changes to my lifestyle to ensure a healthy pregnancy. I had to cut people out of my life to make sure that both of us would be safe. I had to face facts. I didn’t have it together. So I had to find someone who did.
Being forced to make healthier choices during my pregnancy has been such a blessing. It set me on a better path in life, and I will always be grateful for that. Having someone to think about other than myself makes it so much easier for me to make better choices.
I want to make my birth daughter proud. I want to be an example for her. I want to teach her that no matter what happens, she can do hard things. So I pushed through my grief and pain and went to school. I learned that I could use the coping skills that I had learned to help girls that are currently going through unplanned pregnancies. Becoming a birth mother showed me my passion in life, and set me on a career path that I know will be fulfilling.
I did everything I could to ensure that my birth daughter has a good life, and she does. She is happy and safe. She is beautiful. She is smart. I made that little girl, and I will always be incredibly proud of that.
Even though it was hard, even though it broke my heart, even though I wasn’t sure how I could make it through, I’m so glad that I’m a birth mother. If I weren’t, I wouldn’t be who I am today. And who I am today is pretty great.