Fast forward to today. My mom called this morning, just to say hi. I’m about to enter my senior year of college. I’m studying psychology, so that I can become a therapist. I am whole, I am successful, I am happy. My life is only just beginning, I have so much to look forward to.

My life is the polar opposite of what it once was. What brought this change about? How did I go from pushing away my mother to her being my best friend? From hating therapy to becoming qualified to give it? Well, the best thing that ever happened to me was becoming a birth mother.

Now don’t get me wrong, my adoption journey has been hard. But every tear I have shed has been worth it. Now, I am birth mom strong. Facing an unplanned pregnancy meant it was not about me anymore. I had to make changes to my lifestyle to ensure a healthy pregnancy. I had to cut people out of my life to make sure that both of us would be safe. I had to face facts. I didn’t have it together. So I had to find someone who did. 

Being forced to make healthier choices during my pregnancy has been such a blessing. It set me on a better path in life, and I will always be grateful for that. Having someone to think about other than myself makes it so much easier for me to make better choices.

I want to make my birth daughter proud. I want to be an example for her. I want to teach her that no matter what happens, she can do hard things. So I pushed through my grief and pain and went to school. I learned that I could use the coping skills that I had learned to help girls that are currently going through unplanned pregnancies. Becoming a birth mother showed me my passion in life, and set me on a career path that I know will be fulfilling.

I did everything I could to ensure that my birth daughter has a good life, and she does. She is happy and safe. She is beautiful. She is smart. I made that little girl, and I will always be incredibly proud of that.

Even though it was hard, even though it broke my heart, even though I wasn’t sure how I could make it through, I’m so glad that I’m a birth mother. If I weren’t, I wouldn’t be who I am today. And who I am today is pretty great.

Are you considering placing a child for adoption? Not sure what to do next? First, know that you are not alone. Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98 to speak to one of our Options Counselors to get compassionate, nonjudgmental support. We are here to assist you in any way we can.

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Adoptive Parents

Searching for a loving family to place your child with? Don’t just go to the local newspaper to search for people to adopt your child. You won’t know if it is legitimate. Go to a legitimate source to find a couple to adopt your child, like Adoption.com.

As you go through the profiles, consider the location, values, and lifestyles of the prospective adoptive parents. Ask yourself, “Is this the type of family that I would like to raise my child?” Make a list of your top 10, then narrow it down from there. An adoption agency can help you to make a connection.

Adoption Agencies

An adoption agency is a place that can help you to find a loving home for your child. They can be the go-between for you and the adoptive family. You can limit the amount of information that the adoption agency gives to prospective adoptive families if you are concerned about confidentiality. Or they can set up a time and place to meet should you choose an open adoption. Making a good match for your child with a good, loving family is the key. If you would like to contact a reputable adoption agency, click here.

Attorneys

This is one of the biggest decisions of your life. Make it legal. Find a reputable attorney that specializes in adoption and custody cases. An adoption agency can also assist you in finding a lawyer. An attorney will protect your rights and make sure the legal process is followed correctly. Your attorney will present your needs and wants to the adoptive family and to a judge, who will review the case and make a decision. 

Termination of Parental Rights

Termination of parental rights (TPR) is one of the things that an attorney will work on. TPR is the legal process through which a biological parent’s custodial and legal rights end and the adoptive parent’s rights begin. This means that the adoptive parents will now make legal, medical, and life choices for the child. This is a big decision and once the judge signs an adoption order, the birth parents’ part in the child’s life comes to an end. That does not mean that open adoption is not an option, though you won’t have any legal rights after TPR.

Adoption Agreements

An adoption agreement is a legal document, worked on by birth parents and adoptive parents, and signed by a judge in an open adoption. Birth parents are still involved in their child’s life in an open adoption. The adoption agreement outlines when, where, and by what means the contact is to take place between the child and the birth parents. For example, contact may be as simple as Christmas cards, once per year, with a photo of the child. Or contact can be as intense as phone calls once per month and supervised visits once per quarter. In some states, adoption agreements are enforceable, in others, they are not. The idea behind adoption agreements is that every child has the right to have a connection to their past. Everything that is done, is in the best interest of the child.

Choosing to place your child for adoption is one of the most loving things you can do for your child. It takes courage, planning, and humility.  Keep in mind, you are not “giving up,” you are planning a for your child. Your child will be thankful years later!

Are you considering placing a child for adoption? Do you want more choices with your adoption plan? Do you want to regain more control in your life? Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98. We can help you put together an adoption plan that best meets your needs.

The post How To Place Your Child For Adoption appeared first on Birthmother.com | Birth Mom Pre - Post, Rights, Quotes, Search.

It is important that the world become educated on the correct language to use in adoption situations. Not only is “giving a child up” far from the truth, but also incredibly disheartening and not often reflective of the heart of adoption. A birth mother should say “placed” instead of “given up” as it is more than likely that she placed her child out of love and a desire to keep him or her, though not possible. Birth mothers rarely just “give their child up” from a place of not wanting the child, but rather wishing things could be different. 

Regardless of circumstance, children are not “given up.”

Saying given up for adoption instead of placed also implies that a child was unwanted and without worth. While birth mothers do place because they do not feel prepared for a child, this does not diminish a child’s worth. When a birth mother states she “gave up” a child implies that the child deserved or was only worth plan B. The child is typically placed with a family due to the love and desire of both sides.

A birth mother should say “placed” instead of “given up” simply because “placed” comes from a place of truth. Regardless of circumstance, children are not “given up.” Adoption is about love and that fact that every child belongs to a family. Even if the adoption is closed or there are tragic circumstances surrounding the placement, “given up” holds the connotation that a child was part of a transaction and strips them of their dignity. The child was placed with their family, not from a place of charity, but a place of love and extreme worth.

Are you considering adoption and want to give your child the best life possible? Let us help you find an adoptive family that you love. Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98.

The post Why Birth Mothers Should Say “Placed” and Not “Given Up For Adoption” appeared first on Birthmother.com | Birth Mom Pre - Post, Rights, Quotes, Search.

1. Get to Know the Adoptive Family

Getting to know the family who will be adopting your child can do wonders to appease fears and provide peace of mind. If an open adoption, you can discuss openly what expectations each party has and plan for the future. This will also allow you to gain perspective on the values the adoptive family holds and insight into the life into which your child will enter.

2. Seek a Support System

Regardless of how you might feel now, you will need support after you place your child. Your emotions may ebb and flow. Even the strongest of people will need someone in their corner through big life events. This support system may look like family and friends, or you may benefit from professional counseling. It is vital to not go through placement alone. Just as you are making a decision for your child, you will need to go into it with the understanding that saying and doing are two different things. It is completely normal for feelings and emotions to change, making love and support vital during this time. 

3. Set Up After Care

Along with love and support from friends and family, your adoption agency should provide after-care, which often comes in the form of professional one-on-one counseling. While some states allow for birth parents to waive this counseling, it is incredibly worthwhile. A counselor can help you work through your feelings and build strategies for your future. Even if you do not feel the need for counseling, it is good to have the tools in case your feelings change. 

4. Understand It’s Okay to Feel However You Need

There may be many along your adoption journey who tell you how you should be feeling or how you need to feel. At the end of the day, only you know how you truly feel. Know that there is no right or wrong. Your feelings, positive or negative, happy or sad, are all valid. You are entitled to feel however you need or want to feel. Placement can bring a whole host of emotions. While one parent may feel extreme sadness at placement, another may feel a sense of relief that they did the right thing. While one parent may be okay, another parent may feel an incredible sense of regret and remorse. It is okay for you to feel however you need to feel at placement and to seek support accordingly.

There is no perfect way to prepare to place your child for adoption, but there may be a perfect way for you as a person.

Are you considering placing a child for adoption? Not sure what to do next? First, know that you are not alone. Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98 to speak to one of our Options Counselors to get compassionate, nonjudgmental support. We are here to assist you in any way we can.

The post 4 Ways To Prepare to Place Your Child For Adoption appeared first on Birthmother.com | Birth Mom Pre - Post, Rights, Quotes, Search.