Fast forward to today. My mom called this morning, just to say hi. I’m about to enter my senior year of college. I’m studying psychology, so that I can become a therapist. I am whole, I am successful, I am happy. My life is only just beginning, I have so much to look forward to.

My life is the polar opposite of what it once was. What brought this change about? How did I go from pushing away my mother to her being my best friend? From hating therapy to becoming qualified to give it? Well, the best thing that ever happened to me was becoming a birth mother.

Now don’t get me wrong, my adoption journey has been hard. But every tear I have shed has been worth it. Now, I am birth mom strong. Facing an unplanned pregnancy meant it was not about me anymore. I had to make changes to my lifestyle to ensure a healthy pregnancy. I had to cut people out of my life to make sure that both of us would be safe. I had to face facts. I didn’t have it together. So I had to find someone who did. 

Being forced to make healthier choices during my pregnancy has been such a blessing. It set me on a better path in life, and I will always be grateful for that. Having someone to think about other than myself makes it so much easier for me to make better choices.

I want to make my birth daughter proud. I want to be an example for her. I want to teach her that no matter what happens, she can do hard things. So I pushed through my grief and pain and went to school. I learned that I could use the coping skills that I had learned to help girls that are currently going through unplanned pregnancies. Becoming a birth mother showed me my passion in life, and set me on a career path that I know will be fulfilling.

I did everything I could to ensure that my birth daughter has a good life, and she does. She is happy and safe. She is beautiful. She is smart. I made that little girl, and I will always be incredibly proud of that.

Even though it was hard, even though it broke my heart, even though I wasn’t sure how I could make it through, I’m so glad that I’m a birth mother. If I weren’t, I wouldn’t be who I am today. And who I am today is pretty great.

Are you considering placing a child for adoption? Not sure what to do next? First, know that you are not alone. Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98 to speak to one of our Options Counselors to get compassionate, nonjudgmental support. We are here to assist you in any way we can.

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I gave her all that my little teenage self could give her. I cut people out of my life to keep her safe. I did everything I could to ensure a healthy pregnancy, including spending a great deal of my meager income to pay for medical care. I sacrificed my body, that will never be the same. I found her a home that could give her the stability I couldn’t. It crushed me. But I would make these sacrifices over and over again if I had to, because I love her.

I love her with a ferocity that no one but a mama bear can understand. I made the decision to place in order to protect her. Because I have an open adoption, I will always be a part of her life, and you can bet that I will always watch over her. I will do everything I can to to help her through every question she has about her story, every boy who breaks her heart, every failure, every pain that she may feel. I sacrificed my own wants to give her a better shot at happiness. I would die for her. 

Everything I do is for her. I give my all every day to be a good role model. That meant I had to change my whole life around. It was tough, but I did it anyway. I want to show her that no matter what, she can do hard things. Since giving birth to her as a teen, I have fought through the grief and postpartum depression and gone on to college. I am almost finished with my undergraduate and will complete my master’s degree shortly thereafter. I have had to be strong and fight through hard times. She is my inspiration. All I want is to make her proud.

No matter what happens, I will love her. Even when I marry and have children that I parent, I will love her. Even if I move far away, I’ll find a way to see her because I love her. Even if she desires less contact as she grows older, I will love her from a distance. Even though countless people believe that I abandoned her, I know that I placed because I love her.

I loved every moment of my pregnancy, it was such a privilege to carry her beautiful soul. She brought to my life a new level of love that I had never known before, and now I can share that love with those around me. From the time when she was just two pink lines on a stick, to the precocious little girl she is now, I have loved her. I always will. No matter what.

Are you considering placing a child for adoption? Do you want more choices with your adoption plan? Do you want to regain more control in your life? Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98. We can help you put together an adoption plan that best meets your needs.

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1. Bittersweet Feelings

The hurt from placing little R will never go away completely. Nothing can change the fact that placing was a huge loss for me. It broke my heart into a million pieces, and I miss her every day. But I know I did the right thing for her. I am lucky to have a wonderful open adoption, so I get to see her thriving and happy. The love I feel for her and the happiness I feel every time I get to hug her and play with her far outweighs the hurt.

2. Perspective

My adoption journey totally changed my perspective on life. Placing meant a total paradigm shift. It wasn’t about me anymore. Everything I did became about doing the right thing for my unborn baby, not myself. Ever since then, I have been able to be much less self-centered than I once was. I spend much more time thinking about others, and less time thinking about myself. I’ve never been happier. I believe that I have become a much more loving, giving person because of the choice I made to place little R for adoption. 

3. Empathy

Because my story is so complicated, and because I have been through so much pain, I can connect with others in a way I never could before. I can more easily relate to people feeling all types of grief, and I know how to help them better. I can form very deep relationships with others because I can truly empathize and love them.

4. Fear

I can form great relationships, but sometimes it takes me a while to get there. I love little R with all my heart, and I lost her. It was my choice, but it was still a loss. Sometimes I get scared to let people in. I don’t like feeling vulnerable and I don’t ever want to hurt like I did the day I said goodbye to my baby. Loving and trusting takes more time than it used to.

5. Strength

If I can get through the way people treat me because I got pregnant as a teen, the physical pain of labor and delivery, and the emotional anguish that comes with saying goodbye to your baby, I can do anything. I did everything I could for her, and I’m proud of that. It took a lot for me to find the strength to give her what she needed. Now I am able to use that strength to make my life, and the lives of others, better.

Placing my child for adoption was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But it was also the best thing I’ve ever done. Despite all of the hardship, I wouldn’t trade my experience for the world. My life is so different than it was before. I am so much stronger and more mature than I once was. Placing has changed my life for the better.

Are you considering adoption and want to give your child the best life possible? Let us help you find an adoptive family that you love. Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98.

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