It’s challenging to gather large amounts of data on birth mothers because there isn’t a central source collecting date like a census. Most research is limited and offers a small group of participants. So, even though there aren’t often exact statistics available, we do know a few things based mostly on anecdotal evidence that can break stereotypes about birth parents, specifically birth mothers.

1. Stereotype: Birth mothers are teenagers. 

Fact: Despite what Lifetime movies want us to believe, not all birth moms are teenagers. In fact, most birth moms are between the ages of 25-35 years old. The older an expectant mother, the more likely she is to make an adoption plan. Younger expectant moms tend to romanticize motherhood.

2. Stereotype: Birth mothers are women of color.

Fact: In a very limited study, 57% of birth mothers were Caucasian, followed by 22% Hispanic, 14% Biracial, and 7% African American. This suggests that adoption knows no racial bounds. 

3. Stereotype: Birth mothers are uneducated. 

Fact: In the same study referenced above, the opposite proves true! More than half of birth mothers reported having some college or an Associate’s degree. This is because birth mothers have higher aspirational goals and are more likely to finish school than mothers who choose to parent their children.

4. Stereotype: Birth mothers are drug users.

Fact: While it’s true that some birth mothers may struggle with addiction, it is most often financial or emotional reasons that cause birth mothers to make an adoption plan. Other external struggles such as homelessness and no partner support may also contribute. There is no one reason why birth mothers choose adoption; it’s a very personal decision.

I’m sure there are many more stereotypes about birth mothers, but the reality is they are all individuals with different circumstances, backgrounds, hopes, and dreams. When you meet a birth mother, I encourage you to keep an open mind and refrain from making snap judgements. Treat her with the respect she deserves and admire her bravery.

Are you considering placing a child for adoption? Not sure what to do next? First, know that you are not alone. Visit PregnancyHotline.org or call 1-800-GLADNEY and speak to one of our Options Counselors to get compassionate, nonjudgmental support. We are here to assist you in any way we can. 

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Being a birth mom is not an easy position to be in. It takes a lot of love, a lot of sacrifice, and a lot of heartache to place a child for adoption. Many birth moms live with the secret of placing their child for adoption; they don’t talk about it for the pain it causes them or for the stigma that can be attached to the title of birth mom. There are however, some celebrity birth moms who are brave enough to bare the scrutiny and judgement that occurs when they share that they are indeed a birth mom and they advocate for adoption. It takes great bravery and strength. Here are a few of those famous birth moms who had tremendous courage to share their story of placing a child for adoption.

Catelynn Baltierra

She was on MTV’s 16 & Pregnant and Teen Mom. She and her boyfriend at the time (now husband) Tyler, had a baby when Catelynn was just a junior in high school. Their parents didn’t want them to place their baby for adoption, but as the show documented, the young couple pursued adoption and placed their daughter with a loving adoptive couple in May 2009. Since then the couple has even written a book together, Conquering Chaos, which describes their raw thoughts and feelings regarding the adoption of their daughter Carly.

Rosanne Barr

She was the star of the sitcom Rosanne. In her late teens she had a car accident which left her with a head injury and because of that, she was in a mental institution for just under a year. Shortly after that experience, she gave birth to her daughter, Brandi, whom she placed for adoption. She and her daughter were reunited many years later.

Joni Mitchell

When the singer was younger, about 20 years old, she gave birth to a daughter. Being a struggling musician at the time, she didn’t feel she could provide for her daughter. It was said that she wanted to find a way to stay with her daughter, but she decided to make the best choice she could for her daughter and place her for adoption. She has since been reunited with her daughter and has an ongoing relationship with her. 

Kate Mulgrew

This famous actress on “Orange is the new Black” is also a birth mother. When she was 22, she gave birth to a daughter, whom she placed for adoption. She has even written a memoir, Born with Teeth, about her experience as a birth mother placing her daughter for adoption.

Mercedes Ruehl

A famous actress who has appeared on numerous shows (The Fisher King, Power) and has won multiple awards (Oscar, Golden Globe) is also a birth mother. She gave birth to a son, Christopher, when she was 28 years old and placed him for adoption. She has since been reunited with her son (when he was 21 years old) and he is now the godfather to his half-brother, her second son, Jake (who is adopted).

These famous, courageous, and brave women have stepped out of the shadows of their personal lives and faced the media when they shared their stories as birth mothers who placed their children for adoption. Their children have been blessed by adoption and have also been blessed to know their birth mothers as well. These women prove that adoption can be a beautiful thing and can be a blessing to all involved, despite how painful it can be for a birth mother to have to say goodbye for a time. As Skye Hardwick puts it:

“A birth mother puts the needs of her child above the wants of her heart.” – Skye Hardwick

These famous women have done that and their stories will hopefully encourage others too, especially those who are facing an unplanned pregnancy.

Are you considering placing a child for adoption? Not sure what to do next? First, know that you are not alone. Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98 to speak to one of our Options Counselors to get compassionate, nonjudgmental support. We are here to assist you in any way we can.

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Not all birthmothers are 16.

I have friends who adopted the sweetest baby and their birth mother was in her early 40’s. Not every woman that seeks to surrender her child to adoption is on MTV and still in her teens. Every adoption story is different, and life sometimes finds all of us in circumstances or situations that we never anticipated–isn’t that life?!

No, she doesn’t do drugs.

Just. Stop. I remember looking at the person who asked me this incredulously. Why is being an unwed, pregnant mother synonymous with many negative words, and behaviors? I have become involved in the adoption community and while this may be the story for some birth mothers, it has been the story I’ve heard of resounding few.

She didn’t sleep around.

The reasons why a birth mother chooses to surrender their child for adoption are very complex.  We know of couples that have adopted a child from a couple that is in a committed relationship; some even married to one another. The stories are as varied as they are personal. Some may feel they don’t have enough to give a child or an additional child. It’s complicated, it’s personal, it’s hard. Birth mothers may have many in their lives judging them… hopefully, the adoptive parents aren’t part of that crowd. 

She’s smart.

She’s also brave. She sought out the resources to find adoptive parents for her baby and she followed it through. I recall the sting when an acquaintance quipped about birth control and being fertile. Having known I just gone through infertility myself, I knew she was only trying to relate, but it stung. I also don’t think she thought about what she was implying: (1) That birth mothers are not smart enough to use contraception, and (2) if she had and circumstances were different, I wouldn’t have my daughter. 

She did love this child.

…which is why she chose adoption. She did have another choice. I always remember that. And near or far, involved or no contact, she is part of our story–our village.

Not all birth mothers are poor.

This is a common narrative about birth mothers is that they are poor and cannot care for a child financially. While finances may be a challenge for many birth mothers, it’s just not that simple. I imagine that there are so many factors which have led to consider adoption, just as there are many decisions which led this woman to think about placing this child with another family.

And one more thing…

It’s pretty common for those around us to say how “lucky” our daughter is and that we “gave her a better life.” Last time I checked, I don’t ride a horse, or wear armor. We didn’t save our daughter, in fact, it’s quite the opposite. We are the lucky ones. We have nothing but deep, revered respect for our birth mother. She is a wonderful person who made a selfless and loving decision–and likely, one of the hardest of her life, and one that completely changed ours.

Are you considering placing a child for adoption? Do you want more choices with your adoption plan? Do you want to regain more control in your life? Visit PregnancyHotline.org or call 1-800-GLADNEY. We can help you put together an adoption plan that best meets your needs. 

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It is important that the world become educated on the correct language to use in adoption situations. Not only is “giving a child up” far from the truth, but also incredibly disheartening and not often reflective of the heart of adoption. A birth mother should say “placed” instead of “given up” as it is more than likely that she placed her child out of love and a desire to keep him or her, though not possible. Birth mothers rarely just “give their child up” from a place of not wanting the child, but rather wishing things could be different. 

Regardless of circumstance, children are not “given up.”

Saying given up for adoption instead of placed also implies that a child was unwanted and without worth. While birth mothers do place because they do not feel prepared for a child, this does not diminish a child’s worth. When a birth mother states she “gave up” a child implies that the child deserved or was only worth plan B. The child is typically placed with a family due to the love and desire of both sides.

A birth mother should say “placed” instead of “given up” simply because “placed” comes from a place of truth. Regardless of circumstance, children are not “given up.” Adoption is about love and that fact that every child belongs to a family. Even if the adoption is closed or there are tragic circumstances surrounding the placement, “given up” holds the connotation that a child was part of a transaction and strips them of their dignity. The child was placed with their family, not from a place of charity, but a place of love and extreme worth.

Are you considering adoption and want to give your child the best life possible? Let us help you find an adoptive family that you love. Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98.

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