It is important that the world become educated on the correct language to use in adoption situations. Not only is “giving a child up” far from the truth, but also incredibly disheartening and not often reflective of the heart of adoption. A birth mother should say “placed” instead of “given up” as it is more than likely that she placed her child out of love and a desire to keep him or her, though not possible. Birth mothers rarely just “give their child up” from a place of not wanting the child, but rather wishing things could be different. 

Regardless of circumstance, children are not “given up.”

Saying given up for adoption instead of placed also implies that a child was unwanted and without worth. While birth mothers do place because they do not feel prepared for a child, this does not diminish a child’s worth. When a birth mother states she “gave up” a child implies that the child deserved or was only worth plan B. The child is typically placed with a family due to the love and desire of both sides.

A birth mother should say “placed” instead of “given up” simply because “placed” comes from a place of truth. Regardless of circumstance, children are not “given up.” Adoption is about love and that fact that every child belongs to a family. Even if the adoption is closed or there are tragic circumstances surrounding the placement, “given up” holds the connotation that a child was part of a transaction and strips them of their dignity. The child was placed with their family, not from a place of charity, but a place of love and extreme worth.

Are you considering adoption and want to give your child the best life possible? Let us help you find an adoptive family that you love. Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98.

The post Why Birth Mothers Should Say “Placed” and Not “Given Up For Adoption” appeared first on Birthmother.com | Birth Mom Pre - Post, Rights, Quotes, Search.

1. Get to Know the Adoptive Family

Getting to know the family who will be adopting your child can do wonders to appease fears and provide peace of mind. If an open adoption, you can discuss openly what expectations each party has and plan for the future. This will also allow you to gain perspective on the values the adoptive family holds and insight into the life into which your child will enter.

2. Seek a Support System

Regardless of how you might feel now, you will need support after you place your child. Your emotions may ebb and flow. Even the strongest of people will need someone in their corner through big life events. This support system may look like family and friends, or you may benefit from professional counseling. It is vital to not go through placement alone. Just as you are making a decision for your child, you will need to go into it with the understanding that saying and doing are two different things. It is completely normal for feelings and emotions to change, making love and support vital during this time. 

3. Set Up After Care

Along with love and support from friends and family, your adoption agency should provide after-care, which often comes in the form of professional one-on-one counseling. While some states allow for birth parents to waive this counseling, it is incredibly worthwhile. A counselor can help you work through your feelings and build strategies for your future. Even if you do not feel the need for counseling, it is good to have the tools in case your feelings change. 

4. Understand It’s Okay to Feel However You Need

There may be many along your adoption journey who tell you how you should be feeling or how you need to feel. At the end of the day, only you know how you truly feel. Know that there is no right or wrong. Your feelings, positive or negative, happy or sad, are all valid. You are entitled to feel however you need or want to feel. Placement can bring a whole host of emotions. While one parent may feel extreme sadness at placement, another may feel a sense of relief that they did the right thing. While one parent may be okay, another parent may feel an incredible sense of regret and remorse. It is okay for you to feel however you need to feel at placement and to seek support accordingly.

There is no perfect way to prepare to place your child for adoption, but there may be a perfect way for you as a person.

Are you considering placing a child for adoption? Not sure what to do next? First, know that you are not alone. Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98 to speak to one of our Options Counselors to get compassionate, nonjudgmental support. We are here to assist you in any way we can.

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